


I’m here for you

by 89luv (Wataemelon)



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Bittersweet, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, dongpyo takes care of seungwoo while he’s sick, dongpyo worries about a lot of things :(, i wrote this a few months ago b4 x1 disbanded, in a soft way tho!! seungwoo thinks about how much he loves x1 :(, was supposed to be hopeful at the time but now it’s sadder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:54:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22961281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wataemelon/pseuds/89luv
Summary: Although he might be a little premature in saying this, if there’s one word he thinks in moments like these—its family.
Relationships: Han Seungwoo & Everyone, Han Seungwoo & Son Dongpyo, Han Seungwoo/Son Dongpyo, completely platonic!!!
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	I’m here for you

**Author's Note:**

> as i said in the tags, i wrote this before X1 disbanded but just never posted it.  
> at the time i wrote this, things were just starting to go downhill and i made myself feel better by writing hopeful things like this.  
> i reread this again recently though and it kinda hurt LOL so i thought i should share the pain with you guys

The digital clock shows 2pm, a time when normally they would be practicing, working up a sweat, pushing themselves as hard as they can—trying their best to prove to the world that they deserve this.

Seungwoo twists uncomfortably, his eyebrows knitted together even in his sleep. The room is too cold, even Dongpyo notices—but the window is shut, so he rings his hands uselessly

Yes, normally they would be practicing, but Seongwoo had suddenly come down with something, a bug of some sort that left him stuck to his bed—and Dongpyo by his side.

Really, if Dongpyo thought back, it wasn’t all that sudden. Seongwoo had seemed sluggish, had sneezed more times than was normal, and had been flushed red and sweaty after an easier practice. The others had asked, worried for their leader, but he had promised them it was nothing.

It was obvious now that it was more than that, and Dongpyo mused over the fact while ringing a wet cloth—before gently resting it on the older’s forehead. 

Seungwoo always liked to be on top of things. He was clingy and cute in his own way, but he never wanted to be any work. He pushed himself till it hurt, all the while carrying the others with him, trying his hardest to ease their burdens—which only made his heavier.

Seungwoo flinched at the touch of the cold cloth, before a sigh escaped his mouth, Dongpyo stared down solemnly.

“Hyung, why didn’t you ask for help?” He whispered under his breath, worried and scared. Deep down he knew it would all be ok, it was only a fever, but Seungwoo was always the one who calmed him down when he got like this, so what was he to do when Seungwoo was the cause?

The thought made him pause, and chewing on his lip nervously, he thought about the implications of it all. 

That Seungwoo was his rock, that Seungwoo had to keep him calm when everything felt like it was slipping away.

During the filming of Produce x 101, there were plenty of times when Dongpyo had relied on Seungwoo. When he was scared of it all, when he was stressed, upset, or trying his best to hold it in—Seungwoo was there. Seungwoo always held him tight, ran his fingers through Dongpyo’s hair, told him about how everything would be all right.

When Dongpyo was struggling, there was always Seungwoo.

But what about when Seungwoo was hurting?

Dongpyo knows it’s naive, but it’s like when you’re a kid, and you think your parents have it all together, then one day you see them crying and it’s like your whole perspective changes. 

Dongpyo liked to think that Seungwoo was just always okay.

His hand reaches out to touch Seungwoo’s cheek, and the other unconsciously flinches. 

Dongpyo looks on in thought.

In his sleep, Seungwoo reacts—he flinches and hisses and sighs. In his sleep, Seungwoo is honest, and Dongpyo wonders if this is the only time he’ll ever really know him.

Dongpyo wishes he was stronger, wishes he could shoulder Seungwoo’s burdens, wishes he could carry him as far as he needs—he wishes he could do more than sit helplessly by the others side while he’s in need.

It’s a lonely thought, and Dongpyo shakes slightly, because Seungwoo goes above and beyond and Dongpyo can only reach so far.

The room has started to heat up too much, causing Seungwoo to roll around uncomfortably. Dongpyo gets up to open the window, but it’s high, so he has to use a chair to reach it. If Seungwoo were awake he’d probably come behind the younger and open it first. 

Because he can reach that far. 

Because Dongpyo is stuck on the ground, just watching the other as he reaches clouds. 

He walks back to Seungwoo, and his hands remove the cloth again, but this time he replaces it with his own palm—feeling the heat pressed against his skin. He wishes he could take the heat, wishes he could grasp it between his fingers and give it to himself, take away Seungwoo’s pain anyway he knows how.

The problem is he doesn’t know how, so instead he settles for running his fingers through the others bangs, pushing them out of the older’s face.

His fingers pause once Seungwoo’s bangs have been pushed out of the way, hand still resting on the others head. He doesn’t want to pull away, wants to stay like this, feeling Seungwoo in some way—instead of just watching him from arms length.

He’s always a little worried when Seungwoo gets too far. He feels best when they’re together, touching in some way—clasped hands or arms wrapped around the other, even just the brush of their arms as they walk side by side. He likes to feel Seungwoo close, to know he’s by him, that he won’t disappear when he blinks—because he can feel him.

It’s irrational, because he knows how long they still have together, but it’s exactly that time limit that terrifies him. Because eventually, they’ll be split up. Seungwoo will go back to Victon, back to members he’s known longer, members he loves deeper, people who will fill his head until Dongpyo is nothing but a passing thought.

And Dongpyo will watch, not knowing what to do, just like always, while Seungwoo gets further and further away.

It terrifies Dongpyo.

He’s terrified of losing Seungwoo, terrified of not being enough for him, terrified of being nothing but a memory. 

He’s terrified of Seungwoo leaving, and most of all he’s terrified of never being able to do anything for him.

The shaking starts, and his eyes well up with tears, spilling uselessly down his cheeks. Because this is all Dongpyo knows how to do, cry and regret from down on the ground, while Seungwoo opens windows that he can’t reach.

“Dongpyo...?” Seungwoo rasps quietly, blearily looking up at the other. Dongpyo quickly wipes his eyes.

“Hyung! You’re awake! how are you feeling?” He puts on his brightest smile, trying his best to seem happy. Seungwoo doesn’t need any more difficulties.

“Dongpyo, what’s wrong?” Seungwoo asks, reaching his hand out to press his palm against the others cheek, swiping his thumb across Dongpyo’s under-eye—still wet with tears.

Dongpyo chokes up, squeezing his eyes shut and feeling hatred for himself bubble up in his throat. Seungwoo’s comfort is his everything, but suddenly it feels suffocating, and Dongpyo would do anything for the older to ignore him.

“Dongpyo...?”

“Please don’t.” Dongpyo sobs, pulling Seungwoo’s hand away.

Seungwoo stares confusedly, retracting his hand, still looking bleary from sickness.

“What do you mean—“

“Don’t worry about me. That’s all you ever do, worry about us and take care of us, and even though I worry about you too, for some reason I can never do anything!” Dongpyo sobs louder, and more guilt bubbles up, because he’s dumping this on the older when he’s sick. But Dongpyo is childish and confused and when he joined Produce X 101 he wasn’t prepared for this much heartbreak.

“You’re sick in bed, yet I can't do anything but sit here and watch you. Sure I can change your cloth, and I can open and close the window, but even for that I need help.” He can’t look at Seungwoo, crying into his palms and spouting all the thoughts he’s been keeping inside for too long, he wonders how disappointed Seungwoo looks.

No, Seungwoo is always good and kind, he must look worried. The thought makes Dongpyo’s stomach twist.

“I’m scared of losing you, i’m scared you’ll realize that I can’t give you back everything you’ve given me, I’m scared you’ll hurt yourself and I won’t be able to do anything because I'm just so painfully useless.”

His hearts beating erratically and his sniffling is obnoxious, but he’s too upset to pay attention. He wonders what Seungwoo is thinking now, he wonders how things will turn out.

Seungwoo gently hold his wrists, removing Dongpyo’s hands from where they’re covering his face.

“Dongpyo, you’re doing perfect.”

Dongpyo’s sniffling calms down, and he hiccups quietly as he looks towards the other. Seungwoo looks at him warmly, it wasn’t exactly what he was expecting.

“You’re young yet you’ve been thinking such deep thoughts.” He mumbles quietly, stroking the other’s cheek.

“I don’t hate you, and I won't hate you. You’re one of my favourite people in the world you know? Not just because you’re cute or because we’re together so often. It’s because you’re you. So I would never want to change you, and you’ll always be enough.”

The words make Dongpyo tear up again, and Seungwoo reaches out his other hand to cup Dongpyo’s face completely.

“I’m sorry,” Dongpyo hiccups, “you’re sick yet I’m—”

Seungwoo shakes his head, “don’t apologize, I’m glad you’re telling me, it's not good to bottle your feelings up.”

Dongpyo sniffles, then drops himself onto Seungwoo, hugging him as tightly as he can without hurting the other too much.

“Hey—“ Seungwoo begins, wrapping his arms around Dongpyo despite his tone, “I don’t want you getting sick—”

“You shouldn’t either, okay hyung?”

Seungwoo stills, “what do you mean?”

“Don’t bottle up your feelings,” Dongpyo presses his face into Seungwoo’s shoulder, “I’m childish, and although I may seem a little unreliable, I promise that whatever you’re thinking about, no matter how big or small—I’ll listen.”

And the room quiets then, even the bustling sound of the members coming home fades out, and all Seungwoo can hear is Dongpyo’s breathing, the sound of his heart pressed against him. He feels safe.

It's strange, because he never thought that a kid 8 years his junior would be taking such good care of him, but becoming X1 had just been one big surprise, and he’d never really been able to expect any part of it. Because, although his family is waiting for him to come back, and he’s waiting to see them too, he realized that he’s gained another family. Dongpyo, who cries for him, who holds him tight like he’s important, who tells him he’ll listen—makes him feel like these years he’ll spend as someone else, might be more precious than he ever expected.

All of a sudden, the door is thrown open, and Seungyoun comes barreling in.

“Seungwoo  _ hyung~ _ ” he cries, and Hyeongjun is behind him telling him to be quiet because “ _ he might be sleeping!”  _ but they both stop in their tracks when they see Seungwoo comforting Dongpyo.

“Why’d you go quiet?” Hangyul asks.

“Is hyung dead? Oh my gosh did he die? What’re we gonna do now? Will I have to become the leader?” Minhee gasps in concern, running up behind the others and trying to see into the room.

“He’s not dead,” Hangyul sighs, “plus why would you become the leader?”

“Is Dongpyo sick too?” Hyeongjun asks worriedly.

Seungwoo loses his voice, as the other members crowd in, and he looks around at them, taking in their individual expressions, their personalities, who they  _ are _ .

“Hyung?” Wooseok asks carefully, “are you okay?”

_ They’re mine,  _ his mind adds, and it makes him smile.  _ They’re my kids. _

“I’m fine,” Seungwoo laughs, patting Dongpyo’s head. “He’s fine too, he’s just shy because he was crying over me.”

“Dongpyo was crying!?” Yohan yells, making grabby hands at the younger boy, who immediately rushes to the other side of Seungwoo’s bed.

“I was not!”

Seungwoo laughs, cooing at the younger, “he was so~ worried about me that he couldn't stop crying.”

Dohyon clutches his chest, the other members collectively  _ awwww _ .

And Seungwoo watches as they all laugh, Hyeongjun saving Dongpyo from Yohan and telling him about something funny that happened at practice. Junho and Eunsang come over and ask him if he’s okay, and despite his aching body—Seungwoo honestly answers “ _ I’m great _ ”.

He watches over  _ his _ kids, an extra 10 added to his original 6. It's a lot, and being a leader can be hard, but the pride he feels when he sees them—he doesn’t think it would be the same otherwise.

So, although their time together is a lot like sand in an hourglass, Seungwoo will work his hardest and protect them the best he can. He’ll love them with all he has and savour even the little moments like these. Seungwoo will remember it, and he’ll live it, so Dongpyo doesn’t have to worry, so the others don’t have to worry.

Although he might be a little premature in saying this, if there’s one word he thinks in moments like these—its  _ family _ . 

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!!  
> although it hurts to look back on the good things that we lost, i hope we can all get to a point where we don’t feel sad when thinking about x1, but rather feel happy about all the good things they brought us!!


End file.
